06.30.08
The nature of funerals
It’s been a hectic few weeks, including a trip to Kansas last week for a funeral.
I can’t say that I ever enjoy these things, but in a way, my labmate’s family did a good job of making it more about a memorial for his life than about the fact of his death. I realize that black clothes and tears are traditional, yet at the same time, they often seem out of sync with the person being mourned… by contrast, his family wore comfortable, brightly colored clothes and invited his labmates over to swap memories over mexican food (J’s favorite). As strange as this may sound, this was perhaps the most respectful funeral imaginable: a final memory that captured the spirit of who he was.
That said, it’s also remarkable in a broader sense: it’s very rare to see all the aspects of someone’s life in one place that way, as I’ve noticed that many people compartmentalize their lives to present different sides to different people.
In the end, there were stories that surprised me, but all were things that (in retrospect) fit perfectly with the person I’d known all along. After two years of working together, and even after knowing someone well enough to read their next response from a simple gesture- it’s easy to think that seeing someone every day equates to knowing them well. But that’s not always the case.
A sad occasion for many reasons, but in the end, I’m glad I was able to make it there.